Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I supernannyed him into submission
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
