just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
