Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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