nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
