What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
