oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God, I missed his penis.
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