I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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