my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
