Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
