Just cropdusted the office
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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