Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
