I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
