What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
