I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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