I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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