I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
