Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
