He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
