Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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