I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize