That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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