my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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