it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
