I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
third nipple confirmed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
