My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize