Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
