Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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