Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
