she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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