He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
