one might say we're banned from that church
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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