Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize