Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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