So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize