If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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