i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
