As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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