so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
