Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
