I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
