I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
