Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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