i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
