Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
