i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
