Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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