I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
