I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
