The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
