I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
