Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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