She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
