get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
