Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
