Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
