You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think my mom watched the whole time
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
