That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
