Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
