States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
