Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
