just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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