I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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