For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
