and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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