the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
