I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize