i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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