dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
