the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
