I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
