think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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