Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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