The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize