I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
