My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
