Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize