the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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