You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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