You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
